Homeschooling a Teen

from lemonewton:
First off, I would suggest that you and your H get on the same page. If you're setting limits, and H is not assisting with seeing that they're following through, this is only going to be the beginning of trouble. Like a snowball gathering and getting bigger.

Does DS have friends he spends time with? If so, encourage him to spend some quality time with them. Or with a close family member near the same age? If not, then yes, I'd encourage him to begin doing something, club activity, or even volunteer work to get him out and active. He's 12-13, or around there? If he's promised to do the copies, I'd make him stick to that and get them done. At least finish the ones he already has promised, then he can quit doing it if he no longer likes doing it.

I've got 2 teens, 16DD & 13DD. Both would spend all day in front of the tv/games/computer if allowed. The 13DD is especially bad, she gets easily distracted by the tv. Oh, and the 16DD loves to wear her MP3 while doing school work last year. For us, here, this school year has started different than it did last year. They got to assist helping me to decide some of the curric, but others were just picked out by me. At PS, you don't get to pick out what you want. If something simplifies it for me, then oh well, they'll just have to deal with it this year. And, they've been sitting at the kitchen table, the last 2 days. Both of them each have 1-2 programs that they're doing on the computer, so that they get a little computer time in. And, I've decided to assign some artsy-type projects for a couple of their main subjects. So far, so good, they're starting out well so far. We've also got a 1st grader, so she gets more of our time (I work FT 3d/week, and DH is a SAHD, but we've got a farm and stuff to do additionally).

Oldest DD was getting really good at staying in front of her tv and not wanting to do the things required of her/ chores, etc. So about a month ago she had to hand over her MP3, tv cord, lap-top power cord, and we changed the password on the internet. She had to start spending more time with us, doing things that were required, and a bit more reading. You might have to start taking some cords if DS is continually staying in his room. And, get H on the same page as you. He's got to step up to the plate.

And, if you're thinking about sending DS to PS, you need to have some discussions with him & your H. If he's not going to do the work at home, will he do the work at PS? If he wants to go, maybe you should see about sending him. You might find, though, that he doesn't want to do it there, either.

from nancymc:
Well, I'm a big meanie I guess, we have a rule in our home: no TV/computer until chores and/or assigned work is done. During the summer this is easy, it's just daily chores, but during the school year it means that the computer/TV can NOT come on until all their schoolwork is completed. Beginning and end of story, not negotiable.

For us TV/computer is a reward, not a right. We also don't own any gaming systems, so it's easier in a lot of ways to limit it. I'm a big believer in outdoor activity and work hard to keep my kids engaged in physical things. I recently attended a lecture entitled "the dangers of video gaming" and it really opened my eyes to the generation of kids we are raising by allowing them so much time in front of screens, so right now I am particularly concerned about limiting it and finding other activities for my kids to do.

For social stuff, are you involved in a co-op or homeschool group of any kind? If not, that is where I would start, my kids attend classes with other homeschoolers once a week and they get together for social activities at least once a week (more in the summer). Kids this age need peers, and for me personally, that means finding plenty of opportunity for interaction, we live remotely so it's really up to me to get them places.

I work, but only part time and I make my own hours for the most part, doing some on weekends and later in the afternoon, so I'm not terribly helpful there. I would network with other homeschoolers of teens to see if they can help you with getting your son places and such.

I'm not sure of your religious leanings, and this appears to be Christian based, but I just got an email about a book for teens called "Do the Hard Things" and I'm really excited about it, the message is that if we have low expectations for our teens, they will have low expectations for themselves. I am going to order a copy and read it with my son. I think that we need to work on our teens character along with their education, it's not always about what they know, it's also about who they ARE, you know? Anyway, I'm getting off track now, sort of, but wanted to encourage you to help your son continue his business and accomplish some things with that before he turns on the TV each day, I love hearing about kids starting their own business, it shows such promise and character for them to be an entrepreneur.

from cl-susanmercy:
I'm not the parent of a teenager (yet but it's close!) but I have been a hsed teen myself, back in the 80s. I wold strongly encourage you to first of all, be united with your dh. Hopefully you can get him on board, since you are the at-home parent and the one dealing the most with at-home issues. As long as you are not united, your ds will know that dad lets him get away with not following house rules, and that behaviour will continue. I would also encourage you to seriously let your ds be a part of his education process. If he's not, you may be butting heads for a long time. Let him have a choice in choosing curriculum...extracurricular activities...books to read, etc. This doesn't mean that he has carte blanche--but you can give him several choices that are ok with you and let him pick which one he wants.

I don't know if you deschooled your son at all, but if you didn't it's not too late to do so. It could provide you with relief from his attitudes!

from kathlh:
I found my oldest ds had issues with doing schoolwork at the 12-14yo phase. He had issues with anxiety and depression and was generally in a tough place. The best I could do was talk to him a lot, let him know we loved him no matter what, set limits to what we would accept from him and set limits on computers and TV. I tried having TV and computer use interspersed throughout the day when the kids were young and it just didn't work for us. They spent everyday asking for computer time. I finally decided that TV and computer can't come on until 6pm. Period. The other iron-clad rules we had were that chores and schoolwork needed to be done before the kids could play with their neighbourhood friends. This was a hard lesson for a kid who wanted to lie on the couch and moan until his friends came home at 4pm ;-) He eventually got it. The good news is that at almost 15yo, he's now much more outgoing and energetic than he's been in several years. He seems in a better place and also understands the purpose of passing certain courses to get to his goal of becoming an engineer. This past spring he came with me to our hs fair and picked out his own curriculae. I have yet to see if that'll make a difference for him but I have hope. This year we also have plans for him to do volunteer work one or 2 afternoons a week. He needs to think about something other than sports and computer games ;-)

I don't know if our experience is of any help to you. My situation is easier in that dh isn't around during the day (usually). He doesn't really need to be on board with the rules as he doesn't have to reinforce any of them. I work on weekends, so he does need to get the kids to do their chores but, otherwise, isn't really part of the equation. With him being home the last few months with multiple surgeries, I've had my share of him not being on board with the rules ;-) I can sympathize with your challenge!